Chuck Norris vs. Dark Matter

Scientists have actually calculated that dark matter is, in actuality, Chuck Norris. He recently flew to the west coast and threw off the Pioneer 10 probe by 400,000 miles.

Scientists have also not yet revealed the real reason behind the ban on human cloning. The real reason human cloning is outlawed is because scientists fear Chuck Norris being cloned. They theorize that two simultaneous Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks could pissibly destroy the universe.

Alternate theory:

The total mass of dark matter is contained in Mr. T’s chains. It it weren’t for Mr T supporting this mass, the universe would implode.

(Acknowledging Judge Dredd and Himring @ Slashdot)