How do you kill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun
How do you kill a green elephant?
Choke it until it turns blue then use the blue elephant gun

(Not my original work by the way, but I thought it would be rather educational - in a comical way. That’s why it’s in news as well as humour.)
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn […]

He can’t beat Chuck Norris but is none the less impressive

10 ways Dick Cheney can kill you

1. OPENING JARS - She’s struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn’t. Jars are men’s work.
2. CALLING SOMEONE ‘SON’ - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.
3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks - camp. […]

Students were assigned to read 2 books, “Titanic” & “My Life” by Bill Clinton.
One smart-ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report:
Titanic:….. $29.99
Clinton:….. $29.99
Titanic:….. Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:….. Over 3 hours to read
Titanic:….. The story of […]

From Wikipedia:
Fruit machine is also a British term for a slot machine.
The fruit machine is a jocular term for a device developed in Canada that was supposed to be able to identify homosexuals. The subjects were made to view pornography, and the device measured the pupils of the eyes, perspiration, and pulse for a supposed […]

“Alien vs Predator” is an autobiographical depiction of Chuck Norris’ first sexual experience.
Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.
Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the special olympics.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by “knit”, I mean […]

Quotes from Bash.org:
<Ccaskie> Ive gotta try and write a 17 page letter, but i dont kno what to write
<Fletch> Just write ‘i am a fish’ 400 times
<Caskie> no! :P, thats a waste of paper
<Fletch> Pfft,Im sick of people saying ‘dont waste paper’. If trees wanted to live, they’d all carry guns
———————————————————————————————–
<xterm> The problem with America […]

You’re in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have. The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten […]

Scientists have actually calculated that dark matter is, in actuality, Chuck Norris. He recently flew to the west coast and threw off the Pioneer 10 probe by 400,000 miles.
Scientists have also not yet revealed the real reason behind the ban on human cloning. The real reason human cloning is outlawed is because scientists fear Chuck […]

Click to enlarge

Chuck Norris interviewed by Tony Danza on the “Chuck Norris Facts” phenomenon.
Watch the video

The popular videogame “Doom” is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Chuck Norris and forgot to pay him back.
Chuck Norris can count backwards from infinity.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris , […]

As followers of Channel 4’s reality TV show Celebrity Big Brother will know, George Galloway MP has taken time out to appear on the show. But why, you may ask, is he doing this?
Well, the residents of Bethnal Green and Bow are petitioning to get him back where he belongs.

As Member of Parliament for Bethnal […]

Chuck reported to have roundhouse kicked the site owner. MR T pitties the fool.

Give and ye shall receive [a left hook to the jaw in this case]. BoingBoing has a post on these fake lottery tickets, which aim to send a friend in to histerics after they scatch off the winning section to reveal “Kiss my ass” instead of a prize.
It could be a really good idea if […]

He burnt his lips on the exhaust …
[Thankyou. I’m here all week.]

Hilarity ensues

When you just gotta know…

No screwing involved, just tongue and groove.
[Thank you, I’m here all week].